What to Think About During Your Divorce

You won't deal with all of this. Nobody does. Use what applies and skip the rest.

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Planning

Who can help, what process to use, and what you can spend.

Documents to Gather

Tax returns for the last three years

Bank and investment account statements

Retirement account statements

Recent pay stubs for both spouses

Credit card and loan statements

Mortgage documents, deeds, and leases

Insurance policies (health, life, home, auto)

Professionals You Might Need

Couples counseling

Individual therapy

Financial advisor

Divorce coach

Children's specialist

Parenting coordinator

Mediator

Real estate appraiser

Business valuation expert

Choosing a Legal Process

Decide which process fits your situation

Your options: negotiated agreement, mediation, collaborative divorce, arbitration, or court. Most cases use more than one before they are done.

Budgeting

What is my budget (time, energy, emotion, money)

What is my monthly burn rate

Support

Spousal maintenance, child support, and who pays for what.

Spousal Support

Determine spousal maintenance amount and duration

Check if a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement waives spousal support

Child Support

Determine child support (typically until 21, or later if a child has a disability)

Health Insurance

Decide who carries health insurance for the children

Plan your own coverage after the divorce (you cannot stay on a former spouse's plan)

Additional Expenses

Figure out how to split costs for:

Activities

Unreimbursed medical expenses

Education expenses

529 accounts for your children's education

Private or public school

Life insurance to cover future obligations

Parenting

Schedules, decision-making, and how you will co-parent going forward.

Building a Parenting Schedule

Create a plan that covers:

School nights, weeknights, and weekends

Three-day weekends

School breaks (winter and spring)

Summer vacations

Holiday celebrations

Birthdays (parents and children)

Mother's Day and Father's Day

Phone, email, and text access to the children

Transportation between households

Travel away from home with the children

Rules for visits and cancellations

How to handle schedule changes down the road

Who Decides What

Decide whether parents must agree, consult, or if one parent has final say on:

Education

Extracurricular activities

Non-emergency or elective medical care

Religious upbringing

Childcare providers

Staying on the Same Page

How you will share information about the children

How to access records from schools, doctors, dentists, therapists, and others

Whether to use a co-parenting app

Other Things to Think About

Relocation: Rules if either parent wants to move

Parentage: Affirming the parental rights of non-biological parents

Guardianship: Naming a guardian for the children if something happens to both parents

Family connections: Time with grandparents and other relatives

Introducing new partners to the children

Assets and Debts

What you have, what you owe, and how it gets divided.

Existing Agreements

Check whether a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement exists

The Big Picture

Put together a full list of everything you own and everything you owe

The Home

Decide what happens to the home: sell it, one spouse buys the other out, or keep it jointly for a set period

Decide who pays the mortgage, taxes, and upkeep until that happens

What Needs to Be Valued

Figure out if any of these need a formal valuation:

Business(es)

Stock options, restricted stock units, or other hard-to-value investments

Personal property

Consider each spouse's earning capacity (this affects support decisions)

Separate Property

Identify anything that belongs to just one of you:

Property you owned before the marriage

Gifts

Inheritances

Anything covered by an agreement that defines it as separate

Gather proof of separate property

Debts

List all debts:

Mortgages

Credit cards

Student loans

Taxes

Understand any tax implications of the divorce and how assets are divided

Attorney and Expert Fees

Who pays for what, and whether you need your own experts.

Determine who will cover legal expenses

Decide if you need your own expert or if you can agree on a shared one

After the Agreement

The loose ends that cost people the most when they are missed.

Update beneficiaries on life insurance and retirement accounts

Update your will, health care proxy, and power of attorney

Retitle accounts, vehicles, and property per the agreement

Close joint accounts and open individual ones

Complete a name change if you are taking one

A list tells you what to decide.
It does not tell you how.

If you are working through this checklist and the other side is not working with you, that is the situation I handle. Start with a free 15-minute intro call.

Book a Free Intro Call Or start with the Get Going Guide, a walkthrough of the first stages of a New York divorce, from the decision through the preliminary conference.